The day was August 22nd.
The city was Prague.
The drink was Absinthe.
You evil little bastard.
You all know what I’m talking about.
That highly alcoholic spirit known as The Green Fairy.
Once reported to cause hallucinations.
Yeah that stuff.
It was my last night in Prague and a bunch of us from the hostel were headed to Karlovy Lazne.
The largest nightclub in Central Europe, 5 clubs on 5 floors.
It is massive.
Many people came and went throughout the night.
But I mostly hung out with 2 guys who I will name The Texan and The Kiwi to save them any embarrassment.
But as far as my embarrassment goes, we’ll be heading there right now.
I saw The Green Fairy shining it’s luminescent emerald hue at me from behind the bar.
So I asked The Texan and The Kiwi if they have ever had Absinthe and neither of them have.
Drinking absinthe in Prague seemed like one of those things that had to be done.
“3 Shots of Absinthe please.”
I had no idea what to expect from this devilish little drink, and to be honest I still can’t quite explain the taste.
It can only be best described as “It tastes like Gasoline smells.”
I don’t know if that helped, but that’s the only way I can describe it.
THE EVIL ENTITY.
I remember it as if it happened yesterday.
A deceivingly cold shot glass placed to my lips; head goes back and liquid fire enters.
I took that shot and I didn’t even feel liquid.
It was as if someone poured steam into my body.
This wretched warmth seemed to fill my body from throat to stomach.
Within that second the entity that I allowed into my body grabbed onto my soul and waited.
Waited exactly for what I would do next.
As soon as the shot was finished I screamed some words that probably don’t even exist in any language.
And it was in that moment that the entity inside me rushed right back out from where it came with my soul in tow.
(They’ve both been gone ever since).
In that moment it felt like I breathed fire.
I couldn’t even comprehend what happened.
All I knew was that I needed some other form of liquid to replace that one.
Luckily for me a British girl from the hostel walked by.
I grabbed her drink right from her hand and chugged the whole thing.
Fortunately it was water.
It helped a little bit, but I wasn’t the same for at least another hour.
THE IRISH JIG.
Not long after that shot the 3 of us met 3 Irish girls and they were trying to convince us to go dance The Irish Jig with them.
I said “only if all 3 of you do a shot of Absinthe and not spit it right back up.”
They all took the shots like it was water, looked right at me and said “Let’s start dancing.”
Pretty foolish on my part.
They’re Irish; of course they can drink that devil liquid.
Hours had passed.
The Texan was dancing by himself in a drunken daze.
The Kiwi disappeared with 1 of the Irish girls while I hung out with the other 2.
Eventually 5 a.m. rolled around and the club was closing.
Everyone was gathered together and we were all leaving.
THE PIMP SLAP.
The Texan was leading the way, and as soon as he was about 5 feet from the 2 Security Guards standing near the door one of them Open Hand Pimp Slaps him right in the face!!!
For No Reason(that I knew of).
The Texan didn’t even know what happened at first, but all of us behind him did.
We all froze for a second.
As soon as The Texan realized what happened he starting yelling like crazy.
We all grabbed him and fled the building as soon as possible.
We didn’t need any trouble from a couple of 6 foot, 300 pound Czech monsters.
But that didn’t stop The Texan.
He was yelling and swearing at every person we passed as we descended down 4 flights of stairs.
Once we made it to the Old Town Square The Texan eventually calmed down.
The Kiwi disappeared with the Irish girl again and the rest of us hung out and enjoyed the sunrise.
When The Kiwi finally came back it was 7 a.m. and time to go to bed.
As we walked back to the hostel I said “Wow, what a night.”
The Kiwi looked at me with a mischievous smile and said:
“I know what you mean. That was a really mediocre blow job I just got behind that building.”
You evil little bastard.
Do you have any absinthe stories?
Lets hear about them in the comments below.
My name is Jeremiah and I'm an Arizona desert rat in search of the next adrenaline pumping adventure.
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