MY RETOX PARTY HOSTEL REVIEW.

A group of friends stuck the end of a flag in their buddies ass while he was passed out.”

It’s out of control; you’ll have the time of your life.”

I originally booked for 4 nights but ended up staying for 2 weeks.”

A girl who had never been to a hostel was checking into her room.
When she turned on the lights there were 5 naked guys all around a naked girl kneeling in the middle of floor.
The guys ran like cockroaches but the girl on the floor just stayed there.
She looked at the new girl, smiled, and said “Hello.”
I think the new girl was traumatized
.”

This Bubblegum Tastes Like Rubber.
This Bubblegum Tastes Like Rubber.

Those were just some of the things I heard about one of the most infamous party hostels in Europe.
The place I’m talking about is not a place where you go to detox, it’s where you go to RETOX.

Retox Party Hostel in Budapest, Hungary is known for their chaos.
Hell, they even encourage it.
I’ve stayed in a handful of well known party hostels throughout Europe.
But something about this place sounded like it might just be the best one of them all.
After everything I’ve heard about Retox I knew I had to experience it first hand.

You'll only see the downstairs this empty early in the morning.
You’ll only see the downstairs this empty early in the morning.

THE UPSTAIRS:

When arriving at Retox Party Hostel you enter the downstairs where all the partying happens, but I’ll get to that later.
Once you find someone that works at the hostel they’ll beep you through the doors to the upstairs.
Up there it has an open center to the sky above a view to the bar below.
All the rooms, reception, and livable parts of the hostel are on the outer perimeter of the balcony.

Checking in was handled quite well.
Right away they wanted to make sure you knew what you were about to get yourself into:
You do know this is a party hostel, right?”
Yes.
It will be loud. You might see someone puking or having sex in your room. There will be drunk travelers everywhere.”
That’s why I’m here.
You’ve made a great choice.”
I think I did.

Retox address. Retox key. Booze Cruise. Hungarian Folk Festival.
Retox address. Retox key. Booze Cruise. Hungarian Folk Festival.

The Key.

After check-in and your introduction you’re given a key.
But it’s not your typical room key.
Instead it’s a bracelet that looks like a watch.
The clock area is what unlocks the door to your room.
It’s quite genius.

They know they’re dealing with a bunch of drunks that would most likely lose their keys constantly.
This way the bracelet(which is waterproof) never comes off; so it doesn’t matter how shitfaced you get.
As long as you’re not trying to undo your bracelet you’ll be alright.

Another smart idea they had was another bracelet.
Similar to the ones you get at concerts, it has all the Retox info on it and the phone number to call a Taxi.
Once again they know who their demographic is aimed towards, drunken tourists.
With that bracelet you should definitely be able to make your way back to Retox some time during the night.
Much better than sleeping behind a dumpster somewhere.

Welcome to my room.
Welcome to my room.

The Room.

Once I was given the key it was time to go to my room.
My room was “The Love Dungeon”.
The mural on the wall was a great work of art that many people should appreciate.

It was a large room with 6 bunk beds.
However there were only 8 lockers, so 4 beds were without lockers.
Not like that mattered anyways because only 3 of the lockers had doors.
And the lockers that actually had doors didn’t even have working locks.
So that was bit of a bummer.

The beds were your typical hostel bunks, nothing special.
An OK pillow with an OK mattress.
Fortunately they were clean, so that’s always good.

The room had a toilet behind one door and the shower and sink were behind another door.
That was kind of nice, but the smell from the toilet would still come into the shower area, so that was a bit unpleasant.
Luckily it didn’t seep into the rest of the room though.
It just stayed behind those 2 doors.

The shower itself was pretty gnarly.
It was your average stand in shower with a fixed shower head but it had cracked and broken tiles at the bottom of the wall.
The shower curtain was way past its prime and probably should have been thrown away many months before.

Additional Showers and Toilets.

I would usually use the 3 available showers that were near the computer room.
They were a bit larger with detachable shower heads and a bit cleaner as far as appearance goes.
However they’re available for everyone in the hostel so you know some people go in there to have their Sexy Time.
This couldn’t have been more apparent than on the 1st day I went to use one and there was a condom hanging off the shower head.
Needless to say I used the shower next to that one.

Unfortunately all the shower holders were broken, so the shower heads just hung down on the floor.
You kind of had to hold it in your hands the whole time.
Unless of course you don’t mind water spraying everywhere.

There was also additional sinks and toilets near the computer room too.
The toilet space is smaller than the ones in your rooms and most of the toilet seats were barely hanging on.
I never slipped in vomit or any other bodily fluids, but I would highly recommend always wearing shoes in the bathrooms.

Your room might be the safest place to walk barefoot.
When they clean the rooms each morning they sweep and mop the (hardwood) floors of the room.
But I’m not too sure about the floors anywhere else in the hostel.

Kitchen/Common Room.
Kitchen/Common Room.

Additional Amenities.

The other things upstairs is the computer room, but only 1 of the 2 computers worked.
The speed was pretty decent and I never really had to wait to use it.
Most people just chose to use the WiFi on their phones.

They also have a kitchen/common room upstairs with  4 couches.
It’s your typical kitchen/common room set-up.
They had a Daily Events board in there that would let you know what was going on for the day.
This was very helpful on the day of the Booze Cruise where I was almost forgot to buy my ticket.
Luckily I saw the board and managed to secure one when there were only 10 left.

Unfortunately for me I saw dicks & not boobs.
Unfortunately for me I saw dicks and no boobs.

THE DOWNSTAIRS:

Now for the downstairs, where all the late night craziness happens.

The calm before the storm.
The calm before the storm.

I’ll start from the front to the back.
As soon as you walk into Retox you walk through a small corridor which opens to the large downstairs.
Immediately to your left is a room that has 1 couch in it and it’s very dimly lit.
I hardly saw anyone go in there.
Nonetheless I’m sure that’s where people go to get mischievous with each other later in the night.

A few more steps in after that are separate bathrooms for men and women.
The men’s bathroom was rather shitty(but NOT literally).
Reminiscent of a bathroom in a rundown punk club in the bad part of town.

Once you get past those there are many couches and chairs to relax on while you let your night of drinking begin.
As you get closer to your holy grail, The Bar, you have other rooms on each side of you.

To the left you have the Peep Show room with a wrap around couch and a stage with a floor to ceiling stripper pole.
They also host their Jager Train in there on every Sunday.

The room to the right of the bar seems to be one of the busiest the whole night.
It’s the Beer Pong room.
Guess what happens in that room?
Good guess.
Beer Pong, Flip Cup, and Flip Pong.

The Bar.

After that slight detour you are finally face to face with the bar.
The place where most of your money is going to disappear and the reason why your head is killing you the next morning; especially if you challenge any of the Staff to a Strawpedo drink-off.
Don’t know what a strawpedo is, just ask.
You’ll find out rather quickly and hate yourself later.

Retox Party Hostel Bar.
Good Luck.

The bar stays busy and gets packed quite a bit each night.
On some nights it gets a little less rowdy when there’s a large event like a Booze Cruise, Pub Crawl, or the famous Sparty on Saturday nights during the summer.
All of these events are heavily promoted by the hostel throughout the week.

The Staff.

My only complaint with the Staff was the night of the Sparty no one informed us that you would need 8000HUF minimum to buy a drinking card.
I showed up 500HUF short and it took me 2 hours to find someone that would offer me the HUF to be able to drink.

That aside, the staff was Very Helpful and Knowledgeable.
Especially with the surroundings and different adventures you could take part in throughout the city.
They also love to party as much as you do.
You’ll see them partying and  having a good time throughout the whole night as well.

Retox01

 

Location.

The location is also pretty good.
There’s a bank right around the corner and 2 grocery stores in each direction from the front door.
You’re only a few minutes walk from St. Stephen’s Basilica and some of the major streets that have a bunch of restaurants on them.
But best of all, right at the end of the street is INSTANT.
The biggest Ruin Pub in all of Budapest.
If you’re looking to get lost in what I called “The Labyrinth Of Liquor” you will have no trouble there.

 

Improvements.

I like the graffiti and the Ruin Bar vibe; but if they could clean up a bit more throughout the hostel that would be great.
All the toilets seats need to be replaced.
The showers need to be fixed and cleaned up much better.
Not letting people hang their towels and clothes off the balcony would also make the place look a bit cleaner.

Replacing the lockers with working ones that actually had doors would make people feel better about leaving their valuables in their room.
At the same time I actually felt like Retox was quite safe and I never had an issue with security.
The night of the Sparty I left my shorts on the computer chair and I had a GoPro inside the pocket.
The next morning when I woke up my stuff was exactly where I left it.

Retox11

The Final Word.

In conclusion, what would be my final verdict of Retox Party Hostel be?

Well, I didn’t see anyone try to put a flag is someones butt or a girl try to gobble 5 dongs at once.
However there were a few nights where more than 1 person was sharing a bed together and partial nudity was not hard to find.
So Retox is still definitely a good time.

It’s probably The Best Shithole I’ve stayed at.
The best hostel…. No.
I wouldn’t go that far.
I’ll leave that battle between St. Christopher’s Village and Kabul.
But the best Shithole, Yes.

So in closing(of this extremely long post), I would say that I recommend staying at the Retox Party Hostel.
Even if it’s for only a couple nights to get a feel for the place.

If you don’t mind the trashy bathrooms and loud nights then you’ll love the place.
Yet if you want something a little cleaner and quieter there’s plenty of other hostels in Budapest.
You can still always come back to Retox to hang out in their bar and get crazy with all the crazies that stay there.

Cheers Cunts.
Cheers Cunts.

Have you ever stayed at the Retox Party Hostel?
If you have any wild stories let’s read about them below.

Jeremiah Cooper

Jeremiah Cooper

Welcome to Live Life Extreme, a travel blog about thrill-seeking, adventurous travel through some of the largest cities to off the beaten path getaways.

My name is Jeremiah and I'm an Arizona desert rat in search of the next adrenaline pumping adventure.
Follow me as I show you What and What Not to do when visiting new places in search of Cheap Travel and Cheap Thrills.
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2 Comments on "MY RETOX PARTY HOSTEL REVIEW."

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Anshul
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LOL. stayed for a week. fuckin A

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